The difference between healing and fixing. Fixing is defined as - you are picking up their pieces for them and then allowing them to rely on you for this.
Healing is the natural process by which they improve themselves.
Do not try to heal yourself with people who cannot provide this. A sick person is fine if they are trying to get better, Rather than a person who just tells you what they think you want to hear.
Where do you start? Are their local education classes being offered by a local dungeon? If so, someone who is actively trying to learn more is a good candidate. Speakers at local conventions are worth approaching if they are local. More often than not an even larger percentage of these people will know what they are doing. This is not just for bottoms it applies to tops as well. An experienced bottom might be able to give you more insight into what they need ,as well as have a higher tolerance for pain. It is hard to achieve top space if you do not have the time to get into the flow.
If vanilla dating is your last resort and just because you met someone on Fetlife or or a Facebook ground does not mean they are not vanilla. Munches however are a better option.
BDSM consists of something that becomes a more formal agreement, actually hanging out and getting to know the person helps translate into a better flow of energy. This gives time for things to develop naturally rather than forcing things into place. There have been people I have dated , where we got along great and even had fiery chemistry in bed where we would have sex for half the day, but the styles of play when it came to BDSM were different.
They tended to avoid it because I had a heavier hand than they were used to. Since this was more of a dating environment than a D/S one we passed the point of where developing a formal protocol would not have been awkward and felt contrived, despite having filled out a protocol screener. A few things can be learned from this example.
First there needs to be a clear-cut goal. This should be communicated upon meeting in person or first date whatever the case may be. In order to reach a destination, you have to agree that is where you are going. If you develop something more than a d/s formal relationship with this person, beware the new car smell of romance causes chemicals you can get lost in and this might simmer on the back burner. It does not have to be as far as dating , either meeting for coffee and having a couple hours of really connected communication can work just as well. I do not have a set guideline I go by. I have met people who have told me beforehand they do not engage in any type of play on the first meeting. Set rules are fine , but life is about balance. Becoming rigid with rules can also stifle things. If you have ever played Dungeons & Dragons or any board game for that matter where the moderator got so bogged down in rules little was accomplished in the course of game play taking some of the fun from it.
The second thing we can learn from that example is protocol like any other form of personal inventory doesn’t do much good if you do not go anywhere with it. In sales the quicker the turn around on following up a lead the more likely you are to close the sale. After coming up with the treatment plan it’s best to set up a play session within three days. Much like internet dating, people's attention spans have grown shorter. With Swipe culture people and experiences can be seen as more disposable than they once were. With millions of people at the tip of your finger without follow up connections can get lost in the shuffle. If you would like more guidance in this regard please feel free to message us for a free consultation in this regard.
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