Making it Click

 

This brings us right into internet dating as a pool to pull play partners from.  For both men and women, the challenges are more similar than the opposite sex would lead you to believe. Where men are notorious for just wanting to get a girl’s legs over their shoulders. Women can also seek connection for less than effective reasons. Wanting a free meal is an occurrence among college aged girls in a tough economy, as well as financial or emotional security. Though all of these motives could be attributed to any sex or persuasion. 

Present yourself in the most accurate light. Make sure bdsm is listed prominently in your interests. This helps avoid misunderstandings as the interaction progresses to where you want things to head. Some people might just like the idea of BDSM more than the reality. If someone is weirded out by it, then how line are they with your other interests? There are people who are into BDSM but kinks do not align.  They might not be into Shabari, which to me looks like making cats cradles with people. Either party could then have needs that would best be met outside of the relationship. 

This should however come with a warning. People might want to use you as a kink unicorn or just their BDSM stunt cock as they were curious about it. It might be something they have fantasized about , yet the reality might be different. If this is a priority to you and important for you to engage in with a partner then by all means bring it up at the front end or as soon as you are comfortable. Ask “Are You on Fetlife” since that lets me know they are not just skimming the surface if they know what that site is. Ask if they have been to the kink convention in my city. They might fall into more of the party naked camp with that, but at least knowing what that means they are going to be open minded and not starting at ground zero.  

This is not to say that all kink conventions or dungeons for that matter are stocked with people educated in BDSM. A scene of blubbery teens now grown into adults with it who if they were not jockeying the dungeon for social status would be still playing world of warcraft on a Saturday night. Under the guise of bdsm they have taken on a persona that gives them more of an edge that they normally lack outside in the real world, in doing this a culture devoid of bdsm leather roots springs and serves as an annex from their Star Trek conventions into a world of untapped potential partners they would not have a chance with otherwise. They often  use kink convention to only further advance their status in this culture or form similar social cliques at the local dungeon. They fool themselves into thinking it’s the length of their dragon tail whip that is a measure of their dominance.

Even panelists and presenters above, not all of them are qualified to embark on a healing journey with you. Many like hearing themselves talk and use such vehicles as chances to bolster their self-image and feed their ego, putting on a performance more than educating. There are no absolutes, and it takes navigating with discernment just like another social avenue.  

It is worth noting from the earlier example that just because you are compatible in a dating capacity does not mean you are going to be compatible in a d/s relationship so might need to look outside of that partnership to do so. This means you would need to have a partner who is comfortable with you doing so.