Set to Stun

We are picking up where we left off with the last entry which was....Why not be all in and allow yourself to feel without having to have the security of hard and fast rules and boundaries, which what those look like and where healthy expectations fall without having to totally destroy the luxury of your romantic pink cloud moment is some that I'll talk about in my next post. I was going to wait and post this later , but it's healthy for me to write about it. I would rather  sort it out rather than not jump on the thoughts while I feel like I have some clarity. I will point out that I was taken off my meds, and now I am on my old dose of Wellbutrin. So that might effect and make me more anxious. So boundaries, should exist even before you have the "relationship talk". But they are for you not the other person.

If you think you can control someone or feel the need to control some one you might not want to date at all. Your skin is not thick enough for it. You can say you do not have expectations  in regards to the person you are dating but that just isn't true. We have expectations in regards to everything. To not would be chaos. When flip a light switch, I expect for a light to come on. It might not if I haven't taken care of my end of things like paid the power bill or replace a burned out bulb, but I normally have those things in place so the cause and effect I perhaps take for granted is A + B results in C.  Now the slippery slope is we all have been hardwired wired by our personal history as to what this equation really spells out in regards to our interaction in dating. Some things we might agree on is respecting other to some extent.  If you are not into being respected then you might want to put away the dating App and seek therapy.

Then there is gray area, which gets wider and grayer depending on the level of adult communication you have with the other person. A reasonable expectation might be if someone says they are going to meet me or call me at a certain time that happens. But the gray area there is life happens, what if someone loses their phone, falls into a black out or passes out from exhaustion with every intention of calling or leaving or what ever the case may be. It's easy to then pass judgement and say this person is not responsible so  I don't want to fuck with this. I think it's healthier to set the phasers to stun rather than kill if you notice you are invested emotionally to a degree you feel the chemicals making you happy.

Sure life happening can be a buzz kill to those chemicals. What is important for me to keep in mind is to allow that person to have the space to be themselves. Eventually things will become clearer. It is unfair for me to expect someone to act in a manner that is not where they are at in life. I can choose to then meet then closer to where they are at, but you get into what becomes dangerous ground if you turn them into the person you want them to be rather than who they really are. Who they really are might not be who they show you through the things they say but  through their actions. If someone really wants to spend time with me then it will happen.

 I can tell you I like working out, that requires me taking the time to go to the gym. No matter how much I know about exercise if it's not something I take the time and follow through with the action of doing, then I just like the idea of working out and if I am really deluding myself I might wonder why I am terrible shape after all I thought about the gym enough, the gym must not work, I am the problem because no matter how much I think about the gym it never get better same lack of muscle tone. Picking up the weight and doing something is where it has to start.  So don't shoot to kill, just give very one enough rope to hang themselves or build a swing,

But there is a bit of a balancing act so I can see where a no strings attached no expectation rule works to some extent in the sense that ,if I expect to be disappointed or I am too attached to an outcome I will create that with the power of my intention. Which then turns into why am I always in a string of bad relationships when I am the one common denominators and it is obviously what I wanted or I would have made different choices gotten different results.How attached am I to the results and how congruent is it with who the are as a person. The dog will not quack. The duck will not bark.