Warp Speed Ahead

I think originally started this post  a few weeks ago , but I'll go ahead and finish my thoughts here on this so I can move on to where I am at for better or for worse. Taking things too fast is a slippery slope. By taking it fast I am not talking about rushing to move in or get married , those are the more obvious ones that are bad judgement calls. This is a more subtle mechanization. This is less under conscious control unless you make a point of keeping the other person at a distance, For people with bi-polar disorder the new car smell chemicals can kick things into a higher gear and trigger a manic episode.It can be hard to tell the two apart. In researching this the best perspective on the difference between love and mania comes from Joseph F. Goldberg, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City “In love, a person thinks about the other person—their welfare and well-being are paramount,” he explains. “In mania, I’m thinking about you, but I might also think about how you’re a means to an end for my own self-aggrandizement.” So do you think of the other person or does this person make you feel larger than life? So gray area exists here , in that when I high on the clean car smell, I want to share the big picture of what my life looks like, so I want them to meet my friends. This is healthy enough I suppose.


I would say I stuck my toe in something similar recently, but truth be told I dove in head first. It's exhilarating to allow your self to feel when you have spent most of your life numbing out your emotions. This ;also came at a bad week where I had just gone off my meds, so life was in collision all around me. A couple of weeks ago  I was lucky enough to spend 36 with this person, but it's like running a sprint for an extended period of time after the endorphin high you are left panting on the ground. This left both parties overwhelmed and confused wondering what hit us. How did we get here and how did we get here so fast.I am still trying to figure this part out. How did it happen? I think it depends on how sensitive you are to other peoples energy. We took our blood pressure on one of the machines at Kroger and ;both of us scored high, she is only 27 and far from overweight. So our galloping hearts where racing in time to the beat of an unknown drum.

The fear that this can generate is similar to the dreams where I am flying. It is amazing to soar up into the air . The feeling of weightless in the ascent is powerful, but in most of those dreams their comes a time when I realize how high up I have gone. Then I look down and think "Oh Shit I am going to have  come back down, What is the choice? The stomach plunges with the decent, that I dreaded . The key could be to not look down, don't focus on the what if's that bring the fear. This is easier said than done. In fact I am still trying to sort out what do to, as the altitude combined with going off m y meds can be a painful combination, but everything has a cost. Love is not sane. At one point in time you were strangers and now you can't imagine life without them. That could be thought of as crazy. There is never a good time table to go crazy. I think going crazy gracefully and safely is the best you can do.