Take Me to Your Leader

So what happens when the tractor beam pulls you in and the chemical shift begins to occur that sets off what I call the clean car smell. How do you know what is real and what is not in that regard. Well there are some physiological changes at play. Falling in love is similar to being on cocaine. There are people who are love addicts and just hooked on this chemical mix adrenaline and phenylethylamine as serotonin lowers. When it comes to this I think awareness is the key just as it is any mental health issue. Just because you are bi-polar doesn't mean you are not responsible, in fact in some ways it means you are more responsible because you know the causes and conditions that can send you over the edge.

This can be a very scary time, as you can make a choice of either

A- being guarded, coming off as too cool for school, using things like other relationships, drinking or a multitude of distractions to keep one foot in. This ensures that you are not going to get hurt, You are also not going to get very close. It is like the orthodox Jews, who keep the holy sheet between them to have sex. I was poly-amorous for a long time. When I first started the relationship with my now ex-wife we were in an open relationship. It took her saying that she was never really into the whole poly-amory thing to begin with, for me to question why I was doing it when at the time I really only wanted to be with her. Well it was safe. Granted if that is the path you are going to go down it was not honest of her to agree to participate in that kind of relationship if it was not who she was or what she wanted.

b- Going all in. This is new. The problem here is it allows you to get hurt. The pay off is you get to feel everything to the fullest extent. I think the key to this might some across as grim, realize this relationship will end. If it is going to end then you might as well enjoy it today. When you go to a movie you don't fret over the fact in two hours the credits will roll and the lights will come on. You sit back with your pop corn and enjoy the experience. This is what I would like to do and it does require some thicker skin.

So if you are going to go all in, what does all in look like ? When do you come up with ground rules? When do you become monogamous? Like the old commercial says "Why ask why? Bud Dry"  Over thinking and reading into peoples actions is crazy. It's great to feel like you can get lost with someone and spend infinite periods of time with them, But why put that in a box. Why not be all in and allow yourself to feel without having to have the security of hard and fast rules and boundaries, which what those look like and where healthy expectations fall without having to totally destroy the luxury of your romantic pink cloud moment is some that I'll talk about in my next post.