Beating the Meat of the Matter

It is time to get to the meat of the matter and start exploring the therapeutic practice of BDSM  

the next series of blog installments will be excerpts from a book we are writing on the topic that would be sitting on the shelves of bookstores now if a pandemic had not shut down the publishing house in New York we are working with.

 In a 2015 study by the University of Alabama on “Psychological Functioning and Violence Victimization and Perpetration in BDSM Practitioners” From the Coalition For Sexual Freedom. It was shown that older practitioners of BDSM have less issues of depression and anxiety than younger ones. This can mean one of two things. 

1- That due to the current environment in society there is a greater propensity towards mental illness that the older practitioners didn't grow up in thus making them healthier when they started BDSM. 

Or

 2- That due to the longer exposure to BDSM  they became healthier over time.  

If it was the second option,  if greater focus was placed on using BDSM as a therapeutic tool the results would be greater and occur faster.  The purpose of the study  was not to look at it as a tool of healing, but break a stigma that practitioners of BDSM were less prone to violence than their vanilla counterparts. The results were less or equal to their vanilla counterparts. This also could point in the direction of it having healing properties as they would have better coping skills and find themselves less likely to act out in a violent manner 

Given the name of the organization who conducted this study, breaking stigma was their approach to gaining their sexual freedom. If the emphasis was placed on mental health, it could result in becoming more comfortable in your own skin and realizing you already have sexual freedom. This is not conditional to the views of others. The better relationship one has with one’s self the less they care about meeting the approval of others. There are stigmas against mental health and alcoholism, but I take steps to take care of myself in this regard  leaving nothing for me to feel ashamed about. nor do  I care about what others think about me in this regard. I have my own approval and do not need to look outside of myself for that.  

The DSM 5 still listed masochism as a disorder under the condition of it  causing them or those around them stress. Due to the fact it also encompasses self harm such as cutting. I have spoken with and dated cutters. They  were conscious of the relief it brought them as a response to overwhelming feelings. I told them I did not pass judgement on this action. I do feel it is important they make sure this is an intentional act and not a compulsive one.  A more effective means of getting the same release would be through BDSM as it allows someone else to do that for you, alleviating feelings of guilt and making it more intentional as how they felt about themselves for this seemed to be the most damaging element. ; 

If you have  been abused it is easy to withdraw and avoid others. The world  can begin to look like a scary place full of people who might hurt you like you have been hurt before. Text messaging now furthers the illusion of connection. This helps us isolate, but at some point the cycle has to be broken . Freedom from  your affliction begins with making a decision. A decision that you want better for yourself. A belief you deserve better for yourself. This belief requires action to engage change. 

I am closing in on 20 years clean and sober from drugs and alcohol. This process  required me to face the ghosts of  a past  I allowed to haunt me. BDSM helped take  power over them . It was just as important to me in this process as talk therapy or 12-step meetings. One thing the 12 step programs instilled  in me was the train of thought that in order to keep something you must give it away.  I am passing this onto you . I have also been a practitioner of BDSM in some form for over 25 years. The more self aware and intentional practice I am describing here began to come to me when I had been sober for about 4 years, making this an almost 14 year practice. It is a journey that has made me more confident with my shadow side and free from some of the haunting self deprecating dialogues survivors of trauma and abuse carry. 

feel free to contact us for more information regarding virtual sessions .