Touch

 One useful tool in BDSM is massage as a ritualistic form of foreplay. Massage breaks down the soft tissue. Tissue is not mindless, tissue is full of sensations, full of feelings, and old memories. Fascia is rich with sensory nerves, more so than any other tissue in the body. Releasing fascia awakened the body’s sensations. This drops you from your head and into the body. Moving from the past into the present.  So we are not getting involved in the stories behind the trauma that comes up, not playing therapist. Getting stuck in our stories keeps us trapped in the past we want to free the energy reconcile le the past with the present and move forward. . 

Moving forward is the only way to fully integrate emotional trauma (especially those arising as a result of child abuse, sexual assault, or combat-related injuries). For someone new to healthy touch, starting with Shiatsu techniques, or even non-touching therapies such as Therapeutic Touch, Reiki or other energy work can be very helpful. As time progresses, Cranial-Sacral techniques, Polarity Therapy, and Swedish massage can be used. As the person is more attuned to their body, modalities such as Trigger Point Massage, Rolfing, and Feldenkrais Movement Re-education can be used as well.  I obviously can not cover all massage types here. There are resources online. 

We do recommend going one level less deep and hard as you are comfortable going, as you are not a certified massage therapist. I how an empathic sense of touch where I can typically find the places that need pressure. Perhaps you do as well. The only way to develop this is to massage as often as you get the chance this will not only strengthen your forearms and hands but train this sense. 

Compromised mental health has been linked to general aches and malaise, along with acute pain, inflammatory issues, and more. While trauma requires memory reconsolidation, trauma survivors are often in a state of hyperarousal or hypervigilance. This causes them to be flooded with cortisol. massage decreases cortisol production and releases serotonin and dopamine. Massage increases circulation, and relieves pain and tension. 

 

  Normally we are most aware of our sense of touch when we feel pain. Our sense of touch is always working we are seldom present enough to notice and take it for granted. Touch is the first sense and the embryo develops. Touch deprivation increases our stress levels. It can change our brain chemistry and cause depression. We have an innate ability to decode emotions through touch alone. Not surprising since it was one of the first ways we learned communication as babies even before we could speak. Being held comforted use. Pain or a squeeze from the parent could serve as a warning.  Even a back rub can raise oxytocin levels, Massage is a very effective manner of foreplay as it relaxes and bonds. Massage and hugs can be seen as a giving of ourselves when we are gaining as much as the person receiving the touch.

Do you Feel it ?

 The body remembers what the mind forgets. Massage therapists often report certain emotional responses when touching parts of a client's body. This is why I am going to recommend working into negotiation touching all of your partner's body and noting what the responses are. Arousal is not always a sign this is their erogenous zone, but perhaps a trigger point for hypersexuality. We talked about the flight or fight response.

 In traumatic moments the body is prone to make adjustments to accommodate this. Survival mode causes heart rate to increase, and cells to use more energy, along with changes in circulation. If this is experienced for an extended time frame the body shuts down its reserves to protect itself. Survival mode is not meant to be the body’s normal state, so things like PTSD that can leave someone in an elevated state of alert can lead to health problems.

 Under most of our myofascial holding patterns is trauma.  These holding patterns became entrenched with our memories of the traumatic event is stored in the limbic system. Here all the smells, sounds, tastes, visuals, and textures lie. All the senses are stimulated during trauma and stored as an emotional picture in the brain.  Take note outside of the scene of any of these stimulates our partner complains about. It is these negative associations where the sorted pain hides. Healthy touch can retain the brain of someone who fears any touch at all. They are going to need to get more comfortable with touch in general before you pull out at Flogger. Retraining the brain is not an overnight matter and may require patience. 

The basic rule of thumb for what we do as trained therapists in this field is to work with emotions as they emerge in sessions. One is to acknowledge and accept emotional expression. First, to work with other people’s emotions, it’s good to start working with your own. If you have a lot of denial, judgment, and fear to move into your feelings, it’s much more difficult to support others in theirs. So one might say that you have to start acknowledging and accepting your feelings first.

We spend a lot of our energy avoiding, denying, and judging our feelings. When I am depressed I am consumed by that energy shutting me off from being my most empathic. In a session when emotions come do not just proceed as if nothing is happening. This might be what happened to them as a child, and they were most likely told emotions were bad so they stuffed back down rather than unpacked it. How many times as kids have we heard parents say

“I’ll give you something to cry about” 

Emotions can be awkward to navigate, to the point the emotional intelligence of the average American wants to avoid the emotion with some other kind of stimuli such as sugar or drugs that are more easily controlled. What if when emotions came from a partner you said 

Something like “You are crying, that is good let the tears come” 

In these sessions that is what should happen before they say their safe word to resume play. m the time and then allow them to say their safe word to resume play. Take as much time to process the feeling as you can. Keeping a journal for this is recommended.  Always reconfirm that they are acknowledged and safe.  This is an opportunity to be an active listener, hear what they are saying, and repeat it back, first saying 

"So What I am hearing you say is..."

Emotions can be complex equations where logic and the psyche collide so perhaps they need to talk this through and by helping you understand they are in turn helping themselves understand. Feelings are not problems to be solved but energy that needs to flow and move.

Harder Deeper Truths

 If you have not read the “Getting Deeper” series of posts regarding the science of a scene, it is recommended you do so. The science and juggling of the chemical reactions triggered in a proper BDSM scene is a more complex and nuanced experience than just playing around. Subspace is much like the female orgasm. Many partners do not achieve it since they do not try long enough or simply just do not know what they are doing.  It can be induced for shorter bursts of intense levels, but that is not what the purpose of the work we are doing here is. 

My friends from the Fetish community will all concur, I play hard with a heavy hand. I am a big 260 lb man who works out five days a week. I train my body with the intent of hurting people since I am a sadist. The universe however is about balance. There is a difference between when I seek out outlets to release this energy, and when I do the work we are perusing here, which is a more delicate exchange of energy. 

Being bipolar myself, I am aware both sides are capable of healing and hurting, depending on how they are employed. As a Top- type, my depressive side is more aggressive and uses top space to elevate me into a more focused flow state.  Even before receiving a formal diagnosis, I found this occurring, so with self-knowledge, I began to study the causes and conditions of this.

We would take this time to acknowledge how important it is to seek out professional help, to get an accurate diagnosis, and not just a checklist from WebMD. The trend online in recent years is to just diagnose yourself with whatever the trending hashtag condition is on TikTok to feel like you belong to something bigger. This is so common recent surveys have found that 44 percent of Americans 40 and younger have done this. Doctors in the pocket of Big Pharma are willing to co-sign this to get insurance money and kickbacks from drug companies. 

The reason this is important to avoid in what we are doing here is you can deceive yourself and create the false narrative you wish to identify with, but BDSM is about energy exchange, so the truth comes out in the results. If you are not truly the person you project yourself to be the energy will reflect that, and like anything else whatever you put out in the universe is what you are going to get back. 

 Granted the flip side to this is a great deal of people who are undiagnosed and in a manic state do not think anything is wrong with them. Another trend today is for people to claim they are being “gaslit’ which is the narcissistic trait they project onto so-called abusers. In any recovery program, the first step is seeing the problem for what it is, until that is done with the help of professionals rather than friends who co-sign whatever narrative you want to follow, to pursue any healing path is a fool's errand. 

If you have questions regarding this or anything else we do here feel free to message Please have questions in mind or a direction in which you would like your information to come from, and responses 

Getting Deeper part 3

Ok here is the third part of our series detailing the science of an effective BDSM scene. Anything less is just playing around and not an effective method of achieving the chemical changes intended. We are not fans of lazy play. If this hurts your feelings, we are working on defined scientific facts, not your preferences, so do not care. Nor did we inquire about them.  

At level three the top needs to pay even greater attention to the bottom’s state as they are going to feel a bit woozy. It might appear to be in a mildly drugged state with droopy eyelids as they become more relaxed than before. Here they might make e low moans/groans as their inhibition is lowered. Then apply 10 minutes of relatively mild stimulation with a 5-minute build before 10 – 15 second INTENSE CLIMAX to press beyond the previous release of endorphins and push the bottom into level 4.

The fourth level will then find them entering subspace which is the Definite altered state of consciousness. Here they will feel drugged and become very compliant and submissive. This is countered by the largest charges of ADRENALINE as a result of intense climax and pushing over the edge. Here the bottom is still communicative and has a quick reaction time. They may be hypersensitive and only a small amount of stimulation can generate a great deal of

twitching or jerking of the body. If Sexual play is part of the negotiation it should occur in stage 3 or 4. 

This stage should include 10 minutes of repetitive light stimulus. moans & groans become deeper as their body grows limp in their restraints. Their reaction to harder strikes is more obvious. This is where the top gets to shine as everything will work, so they should relax & don’t

over-exert, even though their pain threshold is high. Some sadists might want to indulge and if it is with a more experienced bottom in the 5th or 6th sessions go for it if that is what was established in the later protocol revisions. The bottom reaction time increased due to

Adrenaline.

During this phase, the bottom  may be unable to concentrate for long resulting in passionate

and inhibition-free indulgence that might bring higher levels of ecstasy, however, if they are male they might lose erection and regardless of sex be unable to concentrate. There needs to be a 10-minute endorphin replenishment with 5 minutes to build intensity into the n most intense limit-pushing for this session. Be Careful as they will be less able to communicate safe words. If they are they will be so compliant it is very unlikely to use safe words, if they ought to be used. This is why this is recommended for the 5th or 6th session depending on how well communication is established. There should be a protocol review to see if the top has been reading the bottom well up until this session before something of this magnitude is attempted. This phase should be ended with a 10 – 30 second climactic build of intensity to smooth the last endorphin load and end the scene. 

If you have questions regarding this or anything else we do here feel free to message Please have questions in mind or a direction in which you would like your information to come from, and responses

Getting Deeper part 2

 

We are continuing on in our breakdown of how to orchestra the most effective BDSM session, by diving deeper into the physiology of how to pull the most from the human body when it comes to bio-chemical response. And you thought it was as simple as a spanking? Let's continue from where we left off.

Over the next 10 minutes, Dom can do anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the sub's body to create the next endorphin load for release. Sensation play, light paddling, flogging, whipping, etc. This gives the top time to relax since stimulation can be very mild and easy to apply. I would hope they would be in shape to not need this breather, but just in case. Once 10 minutes pass, a build-in intensity over 5 minutes will excite the body to a peak and a sudden 0-15 SECONDS OF INTENSE STIMULATION just beyond the sub’s current threshold limit triggers the body to eject its freshly made endorphin load into the bloodstream. Now sub is at LEVEL TWO No perceivable altered state of consciousness beyond panting in relief that the intensity has stopped considerable & noticeable leap in pain threshold.

The next 10 minutes of mild, easy stimulation provokes the body to generate the next endorphin load. Keep this well below this new pain threshold created with just a little intense WHACK every so often, about 1 minute apart. This keeps the Adrenaline buildup to a minimum. Time for the Dom to relax (10 minutes) Followed by 5 minutes building intensity to above the previous level. The bottom's s pain threshold is pretty high and the sub can take a lot more before the body interprets being “in crisis”, triggering the next endorphin release. Finish off with 10 seconds to 1 minute of intense to-the-edge push so the body can release its next endorphin load. They are now at level 3. 

We are going to let you simmer on this for a little longer before dropping the 3rd part of this series. However if you can not take this kind of delayed gratification, then we might be willing to negotiate something with you to get it before it's published . Just drop us a message here. If you have questions regarding this or anything else we do here feel free to message Please have questions in mind or a direction in which you would like your information to come from,  as “Hey, what’s up? I want to get sexy with you" , is not going to get a response.

Getting Deeper

 

We hope you are not just here for the orgasm, since there is more to a scene than that, and at its core BDSM has nothing to do with sex. At least not how it is thought of in the vanilla world as a purely physical act with less energy than what is seen on an episode of Animal Planet. We are going further than that here since in our last installment  We have reviewed the science behind orgasm let's look at the big picture and how it applies to what we are doing here since I hope you are not just here for orgasms. Research tells us endorphins are responsible for feelings of peacefulness, living in the here & now that mimic the meditative experience. This causes blood flow to alter the region of the brain responsible for control & working memory. The prefrontal cortex is associated with directed attention, temporal integration, and working memory. A Deficit in working memory means less abstract thinking, less access to memory, less self-reflective consciousness, and poor cognitive function. This leads to an altered state of consciousness, which, in S&M, transcends to one of focus and enjoyment. The Limbic and paralimbic systems equate emotions. Researchers say this tranquility felt is due to a lack of blood flow to the area. As discussed earlier the most common studies of bdsm show this is why they see participants feeling less anxious and less depressed.

In the context of a scene, endorphins Reduce a person’s sensitivity to pain, raising the pain threshold. Adrenaline is produced by the body’s reaction to pain. Endorphin loads release in their entirety- takes about 10 minutes to generate another load release. This factors in what we are doing here in terms of pacing.  The body needs about 10 minutes of some sort of stimulation before another release: sensation play, light paddling, flogging, light caning. This does not need to be nearly the intensity of the stimulation that caused the initial release of the last endorphin load. An increase in stimulation over 5 minutes up to a measured climax will trigger the body to release a freshly prepared load based on the submissive’s current pain threshold

Measured to push them over a new edge.

At the onset of the scene, the bottom is not going to have any endorphins and even fairly light torment is very stingy, ouchy & painful. The body keeps an endorphin load in reserve,

ready in case of an emergency, which is released after just a few minutes of relatively MILD

stimulation, building to a mild CLIMAX. Suddenly, the pain threshold rises

Subs can easily tolerate what may have been pushing the limits of what they could handle previously. They might have been more jumpy and squirming before. The new, more pain-tolerant state is LEVEL ONE. They have not yet achieved the altered state of consciousness There is an increase in pain threshold. In the New Year, we will go into phase two, as look at this form continuously deeper levels. If you have questions regarding this or anything else we do here feel free to message Please have questions in mind or a direction in which you would like your information to come from,  as “Hey, what’s up? I want to get sexy with you, is not going to get a response.

The Science of the Female Orgasm

 We are digging back into the science of sex. This is coming from a strictly scientific model, so the actual physiology of gender, not how you identify.  The female orgasm requires both psychic and local stimuli. Their thinking leads to desire, rather than a male you just show them an ass or whatever they are into.  The female Sex drive is proportionate to the level of sex hormones secreted. Their desire changes during the monthly cycle peaking during times closer to ovulation due to high levels of estrogen. Physical stimulation required is similar to males in that it requires Massage and other stimulation to the vulva, vagina, and other perineal organs that can create sexual sensations. The glans of the clitoris are especially sensitive. Transmit to Sacral segments of the spinal cord via the Pudendal nerve and Sacral Plexus They are transmitted from the spinal cord to the cerebrum. The frontal area is responsible for the integration of complex sensory and neural functioning. This initiates and coordinates voluntary activity in the body. Local reflexes integrated into the sacral and lumbar spinal cord are partly responsible for some reactions in female sex organs.

The female erectile tissue located around the introitus and extending into the clitoris is almost identical to the male erectile tissue. Controlled by the Pudendal Nerve as it passes from the Sacral Plexus to the external genitalia. Parasympathetic Nervous System dilates arteries of erectile tissue and Releases Acetylcholine, Nitrous Oxide, and Vasoactive Intestinal Polypeptide to the nerve endings.

Introitus (Vaginal opening) tightens around the penis for ejaculation. The parasympathetic nerve signal passes to bilateral Bartholin Glands & Skene’s Glands. Bartholin is located beneath the labia minora, posteriorly. This explains how some women can orgasm from anal sex. Skene’s glands are located anteriorly at the entrance causing them to secrete mucus immediately into the introitus This also causes lubrication during intercourse along with mucus from the vaginal epithelium. I am sure most of you know that if no lubrication is present there is irritation provoked by dry vagina. Optimal stimulation evokes appropriate reflexes that culminate in both partners climaxing. When supported by psychic conditioning signals from cerebrum reflexes are engaged to trigger orgasm.

During orgasm, Perineal muscles contract rhythmically not unlike the spinal cord reflexes that cause male ejaculation. Impulses increase uterine and fallopian tube motility to help transport sperm upwards through the uterus to the ovum. Orgasm seems to cause dilation of the cervical canal for up to 30 minutes this allows for easy transport of sperm. Oxytocin is released during orgasm to induce “bonding” sensation. 

Now that we have fully explored the science end we will look at the bigger picture in the next installment. Feel free to contact us regarding any pertinent questions..