Do you Feel it ?

 The body remembers what the mind forgets. Massage therapists often report certain emotional responses when touching parts of a client's body. This is why I am going to recommend working into negotiation touching all of your partner's body and noting what the responses are. Arousal is not always a sign this is their erogenous zone, but perhaps a trigger point for hypersexuality. We talked about the flight or fight response.

 In traumatic moments the body is prone to make adjustments to accommodate this. Survival mode causes heart rate to increase, and cells to use more energy, along with changes in circulation. If this is experienced for an extended time frame the body shuts down its reserves to protect itself. Survival mode is not meant to be the body’s normal state, so things like PTSD that can leave someone in an elevated state of alert can lead to health problems.

 Under most of our myofascial holding patterns is trauma.  These holding patterns became entrenched with our memories of the traumatic event is stored in the limbic system. Here all the smells, sounds, tastes, visuals, and textures lie. All the senses are stimulated during trauma and stored as an emotional picture in the brain.  Take note outside of the scene of any of these stimulates our partner complains about. It is these negative associations where the sorted pain hides. Healthy touch can retain the brain of someone who fears any touch at all. They are going to need to get more comfortable with touch in general before you pull out at Flogger. Retraining the brain is not an overnight matter and may require patience. 

The basic rule of thumb for what we do as trained therapists in this field is to work with emotions as they emerge in sessions. One is to acknowledge and accept emotional expression. First, to work with other people’s emotions, it’s good to start working with your own. If you have a lot of denial, judgment, and fear to move into your feelings, it’s much more difficult to support others in theirs. So one might say that you have to start acknowledging and accepting your feelings first.

We spend a lot of our energy avoiding, denying, and judging our feelings. When I am depressed I am consumed by that energy shutting me off from being my most empathic. In a session when emotions come do not just proceed as if nothing is happening. This might be what happened to them as a child, and they were most likely told emotions were bad so they stuffed back down rather than unpacked it. How many times as kids have we heard parents say

“I’ll give you something to cry about” 

Emotions can be awkward to navigate, to the point the emotional intelligence of the average American wants to avoid the emotion with some other kind of stimuli such as sugar or drugs that are more easily controlled. What if when emotions came from a partner you said 

Something like “You are crying, that is good let the tears come” 

In these sessions that is what should happen before they say their safe word to resume play. m the time and then allow them to say their safe word to resume play. Take as much time to process the feeling as you can. Keeping a journal for this is recommended.  Always reconfirm that they are acknowledged and safe.  This is an opportunity to be an active listener, hear what they are saying, and repeat it back, first saying 

"So What I am hearing you say is..."

Emotions can be complex equations where logic and the psyche collide so perhaps they need to talk this through and by helping you understand they are in turn helping themselves understand. Feelings are not problems to be solved but energy that needs to flow and move.

Harder Deeper Truths

 If you have not read the “Getting Deeper” series of posts regarding the science of a scene, it is recommended you do so. The science and juggling of the chemical reactions triggered in a proper BDSM scene is a more complex and nuanced experience than just playing around. Subspace is much like the female orgasm. Many partners do not achieve it since they do not try long enough or simply just do not know what they are doing.  It can be induced for shorter bursts of intense levels, but that is not what the purpose of the work we are doing here is. 

My friends from the Fetish community will all concur, I play hard with a heavy hand. I am a big 260 lb man who works out five days a week. I train my body with the intent of hurting people since I am a sadist. The universe however is about balance. There is a difference between when I seek out outlets to release this energy, and when I do the work we are perusing here, which is a more delicate exchange of energy. 

Being bipolar myself, I am aware both sides are capable of healing and hurting, depending on how they are employed. As a Top- type, my depressive side is more aggressive and uses top space to elevate me into a more focused flow state.  Even before receiving a formal diagnosis, I found this occurring, so with self-knowledge, I began to study the causes and conditions of this.

We would take this time to acknowledge how important it is to seek out professional help, to get an accurate diagnosis, and not just a checklist from WebMD. The trend online in recent years is to just diagnose yourself with whatever the trending hashtag condition is on TikTok to feel like you belong to something bigger. This is so common recent surveys have found that 44 percent of Americans 40 and younger have done this. Doctors in the pocket of Big Pharma are willing to co-sign this to get insurance money and kickbacks from drug companies. 

The reason this is important to avoid in what we are doing here is you can deceive yourself and create the false narrative you wish to identify with, but BDSM is about energy exchange, so the truth comes out in the results. If you are not truly the person you project yourself to be the energy will reflect that, and like anything else whatever you put out in the universe is what you are going to get back. 

 Granted the flip side to this is a great deal of people who are undiagnosed and in a manic state do not think anything is wrong with them. Another trend today is for people to claim they are being “gaslit’ which is the narcissistic trait they project onto so-called abusers. In any recovery program, the first step is seeing the problem for what it is, until that is done with the help of professionals rather than friends who co-sign whatever narrative you want to follow, to pursue any healing path is a fool's errand. 

If you have questions regarding this or anything else we do here feel free to message Please have questions in mind or a direction in which you would like your information to come from, and responses 

Getting Deeper part 3

Ok here is the third part of our series detailing the science of an effective BDSM scene. Anything less is just playing around and not an effective method of achieving the chemical changes intended. We are not fans of lazy play. If this hurts your feelings, we are working on defined scientific facts, not your preferences, so do not care. Nor did we inquire about them.  

At level three the top needs to pay even greater attention to the bottom’s state as they are going to feel a bit woozy. It might appear to be in a mildly drugged state with droopy eyelids as they become more relaxed than before. Here they might make e low moans/groans as their inhibition is lowered. Then apply 10 minutes of relatively mild stimulation with a 5-minute build before 10 – 15 second INTENSE CLIMAX to press beyond the previous release of endorphins and push the bottom into level 4.

The fourth level will then find them entering subspace which is the Definite altered state of consciousness. Here they will feel drugged and become very compliant and submissive. This is countered by the largest charges of ADRENALINE as a result of intense climax and pushing over the edge. Here the bottom is still communicative and has a quick reaction time. They may be hypersensitive and only a small amount of stimulation can generate a great deal of

twitching or jerking of the body. If Sexual play is part of the negotiation it should occur in stage 3 or 4. 

This stage should include 10 minutes of repetitive light stimulus. moans & groans become deeper as their body grows limp in their restraints. Their reaction to harder strikes is more obvious. This is where the top gets to shine as everything will work, so they should relax & don’t

over-exert, even though their pain threshold is high. Some sadists might want to indulge and if it is with a more experienced bottom in the 5th or 6th sessions go for it if that is what was established in the later protocol revisions. The bottom reaction time increased due to

Adrenaline.

During this phase, the bottom  may be unable to concentrate for long resulting in passionate

and inhibition-free indulgence that might bring higher levels of ecstasy, however, if they are male they might lose erection and regardless of sex be unable to concentrate. There needs to be a 10-minute endorphin replenishment with 5 minutes to build intensity into the n most intense limit-pushing for this session. Be Careful as they will be less able to communicate safe words. If they are they will be so compliant it is very unlikely to use safe words, if they ought to be used. This is why this is recommended for the 5th or 6th session depending on how well communication is established. There should be a protocol review to see if the top has been reading the bottom well up until this session before something of this magnitude is attempted. This phase should be ended with a 10 – 30 second climactic build of intensity to smooth the last endorphin load and end the scene. 

If you have questions regarding this or anything else we do here feel free to message Please have questions in mind or a direction in which you would like your information to come from, and responses

Getting Deeper part 2

 

We are continuing on in our breakdown of how to orchestra the most effective BDSM session, by diving deeper into the physiology of how to pull the most from the human body when it comes to bio-chemical response. And you thought it was as simple as a spanking? Let's continue from where we left off.

Over the next 10 minutes, Dom can do anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the sub's body to create the next endorphin load for release. Sensation play, light paddling, flogging, whipping, etc. This gives the top time to relax since stimulation can be very mild and easy to apply. I would hope they would be in shape to not need this breather, but just in case. Once 10 minutes pass, a build-in intensity over 5 minutes will excite the body to a peak and a sudden 0-15 SECONDS OF INTENSE STIMULATION just beyond the sub’s current threshold limit triggers the body to eject its freshly made endorphin load into the bloodstream. Now sub is at LEVEL TWO No perceivable altered state of consciousness beyond panting in relief that the intensity has stopped considerable & noticeable leap in pain threshold.

The next 10 minutes of mild, easy stimulation provokes the body to generate the next endorphin load. Keep this well below this new pain threshold created with just a little intense WHACK every so often, about 1 minute apart. This keeps the Adrenaline buildup to a minimum. Time for the Dom to relax (10 minutes) Followed by 5 minutes building intensity to above the previous level. The bottom's s pain threshold is pretty high and the sub can take a lot more before the body interprets being “in crisis”, triggering the next endorphin release. Finish off with 10 seconds to 1 minute of intense to-the-edge push so the body can release its next endorphin load. They are now at level 3. 

We are going to let you simmer on this for a little longer before dropping the 3rd part of this series. However if you can not take this kind of delayed gratification, then we might be willing to negotiate something with you to get it before it's published . Just drop us a message here. If you have questions regarding this or anything else we do here feel free to message Please have questions in mind or a direction in which you would like your information to come from,  as “Hey, what’s up? I want to get sexy with you" , is not going to get a response.